NSV and my D4 Goal Status

I work in the Information Technology field and the stuff I specialize in is still mainly a “man’s world”. I attended a users group meeting this morning, where a bunch of local techie’s get together and talk about their environments and any issues they have, etc. Well this morning’s talk was quite interesting, I’m glad I attended, but I also had a bit of a NSV. At least that is what I’m trying to convince myself it was.

I had quite a few glances or darn outright looks from some of the men (the ones around my age anyway J). Normally I would have been very uncomfortable with this, mainly with thoughts of “are they looking at me because I’m a woman in a man’s world” or “are they looking at me because… well I look good (or it used to be cause I’m fat)” ?  In September of last year, I attended a conference in Vegas for this same IT technology. There were over 15,000 people there, 12,000 of which were men (I’m sure there was probably a higher number of men). No one even glanced my way. I became self conscious about it and aware of how unattractive I really was. It’s not that I wanted to flirt or whatever but it is nice if someone kind of looks your way … if you know what I mean. Then when I got back home, I saw pictures of myself taken while there and that was when I decided enough is enough. So even with only 28lbs gone, my body has changed enough (inches) that I might actually be looking OK now… or at least better.

What I struggled with this morning was the idea that maybe they were looking at me because I actually look good.  It made me self conscious in a different way and not something I am entirely comfortable with yet. I have NEVER liked being the center of attention, NEVER… and this is something I need to get over. It may be a slight contribution as to why I haven’t successfully lost the weight. Very silly I know….. but it is what it is.

It’s safer to be fat. Now I don’t  consciously think this, but I’m wondering if I had been subconsciously. In the last couple of months, I’ve been working on letting all that type of stuff go and I am pretty sure it is working because I’m slowly starting to come out of my plateau.

Above is my Goal Status as of today’s weight, yesterday’s food. I did not do any cross training yesterday as I could hardly walk from Sunday’s Day 1 of the 30 day Shred. I tend to go all out and not ease into anything so when I did the shred on Sunday, I gave it all I had. Thank goodness I used very light weights or I would have been even more sore.  I now know that when I did the ChaLean Extreme Burn Phase in June – I either didn’t give it all I had OR I’ve just lost that much strength since June. BIG mistake. I think I’ve been concentrating on the cardio too much since starting my Learn to Run program in April of which I could never complete because of my broken toe in May and then hip issues in September. I still plan on completing it using the C25K program.

Anyway, I don’t think FitDay estimates the amount of calories I burn accurately but I am not going to tweak it and let it be as it is. Yesterday since I was so sore, I only did about 2.5 miles of walking. Unfortunately I did not get up in time this morning to do day 2 of the Shred so I will be tackling that tonight. It’s only 20 minutes long so I have NO excuse to not do it. 

I’ve noticed that since I’ve started drinking fresh veggie juice twice a day, I’ve got a heck of a lot more energy at the end of the day so that no longer should be my excuse for not exercising. And since I started Juicing, my carb intake is a bit higher than normal but it is good carbs. I do however really need to pick up  on the protein. I KNOW I’m not eating enough of that. All in All, I’m doing good for this week so far.

Tuesday and Zero Alcohol folks…… I know not a big deal to some, but a big deal to me J

Hope you are having a fantastic day and making good choices.

Ttyl

Sandra